“My grandkids think I am the oldest person in the world, and after watching them for a weekend while their parents were away, I think they are right.”
You would have liked my grandma Nene. She was a larger than life woman who wore funny shoes and a housedress, and let her hair go prematurely gray. She never colored it. She was a character. She worked most of her adult life at the shipyards in Long Beach, California, and although I saw her get angry only a few times, she could curse like a sailor. Now, I know a lot of people in naval professions who do not cuss, but my Nene was not one of them. She wasn’t an imposing or striking woman—I like to say she was four feet seven inches by four feet seven inches—but that didn’t matter at all. My Nene meant the world to me.
She came to our house every Saturday to help my mom with housework and to iron everything (including underwear!). She set the most positive atmosphere in her home and ours that I have ever experienced. She cheered us on with no strings attached. She dished out dollar bills, candy, and love. My friends adored her, and as I got older, we would all go to Nene’s house near the beach for much of the summer. We had more fun and laughs with her than we did anywhere else. She also put us to work, but we never minded because when you were in Nene’s presence, it was party time. She could create a party out of anything.
My mom was a lot like her mother. As I’ve already mentioned, my kids considered her the party-time grandma. She had a drawer she kept stocked with cheap little gifts for my kids. They called them treasures. (I called them junk.) Mom knew how to make people feel welcomed and loved. She was everyone’s favorite grandma.
I don’t think I can match these two all-star grandparents, but not a day goes by that I don’t think about trying to be the party-time grandpa for my grandkids. If you and I were having coffee together, I can guarantee you that I already would have shown you several photos of my grandkids and most likely a video or two of my fun-loving two-year-old grandson, James, hitting a golf ball. My new go-to video clip is of James sitting on the potty and telling me to get out of the bathroom. “Let me do my business!” he declares loudly. I promise I’ll quit showing it to people when he gets older and would be mortified, but I will always relish these small, silly moments that bring humor and joy to my life as a grandpa.
Chapter 9 Guide · Principle 9: Being a Grandparent May Be Your Greatest Legacy
Intentional Grandparenting: Leaving a Legacy of Faith and Joy
1. Core Principles from Dr. Jim Burns’ HomeWord Library
There is perhaps no greater calling in the world than to leave a legacy of love for your grandchildren. What’s great about grandparenting is that you can “stay out of the weeds” of everyday parenting and focus on the truly important issues. The Bible says, “Children’s children are a crown to the aged” (Prov. 17:6). Even though, like me, you may not yet feel aged, the image of a crown conveys royalty and privilege. I now look at my calling as a grandparent as a royal, high calling from God, a sacred calling.
If you had a rough time with your kids, then grandparenting can give you a fresh start and a new purpose. Jesus’ disciples once asked him, “Who is greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven?”
(Matt. 18:1 NLT). His answer certainly startled them. Instead of pointing to a famous Jewish rabbi or a powerful Roman leader, he pointed out a child. Authors Tim and Darcy Kimmel write, “When a child is born, he is the closest he will ever be to the image of God.”[^26] Jesus also said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these” (Matt. 19:14). As a grandparent, you have the privilege of furthering God’s kingdom through the legacy you leave with your grandchildren. An incredible calling indeed!
As I mentioned previously, I’ve done several focus groups and spoken to thousands of parents about doing life with adult children. Sometimes the atmosphere is tense and emotional because of tough situations, but every time I mention grandchildren—in a casual conversation, onstage, or in a focus group—the mood immediately changes to one of great joy. Yet there are some grandparents who choose to miss out on one of God’s greatest blessings. I will never understand how a grandparent can say things like, “I don’t have time to watch the grandkids or attend their events. I worked hard and now I need my freedom.” Even when grandparents quit working, they don’t need to put their lives on cruise control, retire to the rocker, and watch old golf tournament reruns when they have grandchildren to influence and love. They are missing out on the joy grandkids bring.
My friends Reggie Joiner and Kristen Ivy of the Orange Rethink Group created a most incredible movement called It’s Just a Phase . . . Don’t Miss It. The premise is that from the time a child is born to the time they are launched into adulthood at eighteen, you have 936 weeks with them. That’s it. We must make each day, each week, each month, and each year count.
I have a Parent Cue app27 on my phone that counts the weeks and helps me understand some of the developmental stages my grandchildren are living through at any point on their journey to adulthood. Here’s an amazing thought: Given that people are living longer today than any previous generation, you could possibly spend two decades of your life helping your grandchildren launch into responsible adulthood. During those two decades, you can help your grandkids experience a level of love, security, and stability that few others in their lives can provide. You can offer them a wonderful representation of the generations of your family. Grandparenting experts Tim and Darcy Kimmel say it this way: “We are the link to the past, the anchor to the present, and the bridge to the future.”[^28]
When I was young, my mom and dad would take me to the beach. I loved playing in the sand and swimming with my dad. One of the games I played without telling my dad was walking inside the impressions of his footprints in the sand. Reflecting on that memory, I see it as a metaphor for what we provide as both parents and grandparents. There is a biblical proverb that says, “A good person leaves an inheritance for their children’s children” (Prov. 13:22). Yes, that applies to finances, but perhaps even more, it applies to the spiritual legacy we leave that will last long after we are in our eternal home. Our footprints are the clear tracks for our grandchildren to follow. Our legacy has great eternal value.
Another biblical truth I hold dear to my heart is Psalm 71:17–18. Here is how I paraphrase it: “You have done so much for me, God, and even when I am old and gray, I will continue to declare your power and love to the next generations.” The Bible is clear that each of us leaves a legacy and an impact that lasts from generation to generation. You don’t have to leave your grandkids a great amount of wealth as an inheritance; your spiritual leadership and guidance are of far greater value.
Recently, I was talking with a woman after giving a speech at a family conference. I asked her who had been significant in her spiritual development as a child. Without a moment’s hesitation she said, “My grandma. She was the one who prayed for me every day. She would pick me up for church every Sunday morning and then take me out for lunch. My parents weren’t much on going to church, but that didn’t stop my grandma from always making it a priority. Today, I’m raising my children with much more of my grandmother’s style of faith than my parents’. My kids didn’t get to know my grandma, but I hope through me, they are experiencing her love and faithfulness.” I was deeply inspired by this story of a grandmother’s faith now influencing the great-grandchildren she never even met. My frequent and silent prayer is that I will finish strong and be faithful to my calling as a grandparent. “For the Lord is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations” (Ps. 100:5).
2. Timestamped Video Conversations from the HomeWord Archive
▶️ Timestamped Clip · 3:02–5:57
Watch at 3:02–5:57 on YouTube ↗
Helping Grandparents Have a Greater Spiritual Legacy in Their Families with Larry Fowler
Larry Fowler · 3:02–5:57 · Themes: Adult Children & Role Shift, Grandparenting & Faith Legacy
[3:02] What kind of grandparent must I be so that my grandkids become one like me and then they carry on the legacy? You see, I am an intentional Christian grandparent. Culture says, go play. I say, no thanks, I'll pray. Culture says, pursue affluence. I say, I'll pursue influence. Culture says, you're old, you did your time.
[3:32] I say, not so. I'm in my pride. Culture says, those younger generations, you can't relate. I say, isn't true. My influence is great. You see, my grandchildren need me. But from me, they need my godly wisdom, my Christ-like example, my faith stories, my earnest prayers, my uninterrupted time, my unconditional love, and my God-authorized blessing.
[4:03] What is intentional Christian grandparenting? Let me spell it out for you. I will guide grandkids with grace. I will respect parent roles. I will abound in my affection. I will nurture their nature. I will deal with the dilemma of distance. I will pray with passion and purpose.
[4:24] I will adjust my attitude in case I need to restore relationships. I will excel in my example. I will number my days. I will tell them my testimony. I will intentionally influence. I will never neglect the newest generation. And most importantly, I will give them the gospel because I am an intentional Christian grandparent. Wow.
[5:00] You know, I love that. Larry, I have goosebumps just listening to it because it's motivational. It's what we need to do. You know, today we're going to talk about helping grandparents have a greater spiritual legacy in the lives of their families. And I'm so glad that you lead Legacy Coalition. I'm so glad that you're our guest. 30 million grandparents. I got this from your website at LegacyCoalition.com. 30 million grandparents in the U.S. And each one has a great potential influence in their grandchildren. It's so...
[5:29] personal to me because that's where Kathy and I are. And I was even telling you, we have Kathy in the audience today. And not that we ever have an audience, but she's in the studio. And it's the first time she's been here. So you got the draw from my wife because of her excitement about grandchildren. Larry started the Legacy Coalition. It's 10 years old. And I love what Larry does. I love all things Legacy Coalition. Welcome to our podcast. It's good to be here, friend. Okay, so that...
▶️ Timestamped Clip · 2:43–5:25
Watch at 2:43–5:25 on YouTube ↗
Keeping Faith Alive: Grandparents and A Godly Legacy with Dr. Dudley Chancey
Dr. Dudley Chancey · 2:43–5:25 · Themes: Grandparenting & Faith Legacy
[2:43] have made a transition to family ministry which you did in a great job um but now that has kind of caused the trenches the transition here to work directly with from working directly with kids to impacting parents and grandparents what was that for you what was that like for you to make that transition yeah i you know this book came about two or three different reasons but
[3:10] The main one was Vicki and I became grandparents and we were very blessed and are very blessed. Our two sons are they love Jesus probably more than we do. And they're very involved in their church and their small group. Which is not always the norm, by the way. So we want to get your secret sauce on this one. And so, you know, we we grew up, they grew up devotional time every night at 10 o'clock on our bed.
[3:37] praying, reading the Bible, talking, and they've continued that with their children. And we figured out how can we best pass our faith on to our grandchildren. What we know, Jim, is that, and you know this from Christian Smith's studies, soul searching, and other studies, parents are the number one influence in kids' lives. And so...
[4:06] being a grandparent and thinking that I might be the number one influence in their life, I'm thinking the wrong way. And so, you know, how can I as a grandparent help empower my sons to be great dads and my daughter in law is to be great moms to my grandchildren. And then there's several things you can do as a grandparent to affect their faith also.
[4:33] I appreciate that you said come alongside your own children. Because a lot of times we think, well, we do this better than they do, so we'll just go do it. But in reality, if we can come alongside our own kids, that's the power. And like you say, with these studies, yeah, the most important influence in a kid's life when you ask kids would be mom and then dad, but then grandparents. And there's always those people where there's that praying grandparent or the encouraging grandparent or the fun grandparent.
[5:02] the what you were saying before the podcast that, you know, you'll do things when your grandkids are over and you guys will have your own, you know, devotions and things like that. Wayne Rice's new book, Seriously. We love it. Yeah, just great. So, so doing that, but really you don't replace your kids is what I hear you saying. Right. Yeah. We, we empower.
▶️ Timestamped Clip · 0:00–0:31
Watch at 0:00–0:31 on YouTube ↗
Parental Influence
Dr. Jim Burns · 0:00–0:31 · Themes: Grandparenting & Faith Legacy
[0:00] Sometimes what we need to understand is that we have such a profound influence on our kids in their life, in their legacy, spiritually, in so many different ways. And I am definitely aware now, looking back, that my greatest legacy may come through my grandchildren. And so the question I would have to anyone who has grandchildren or who is going to have grandchildren is, how about you? Are you leaning into this? Because if you are...
[0:28] you're making a difference from generation to generation.
▶️ Timestamped Clip · 5:21–8:03
Watch at 5:21–8:03 on YouTube ↗
Long Distance Grand parenting: Nurturing the Faith of Your Grandchildren with Wayne Rice
Wayne Rice · 5:21–8:03 · Themes: Parenting Teens & Technology, Grandparenting & Faith Legacy
[5:21] your children's children, which in our lingo is the grandkids. And so it's a biblical imperative that I didn't even realize was there until I started really looking into it about 10, 12 years ago. You know, a number of years ago, you wrote a book called Generation to Generation, and that was an aha for me because I didn't have grandkids. So I wasn't thinking about that. I was just trying to get through teenage years with my all three daughters with hormones and drama.
[5:51] But in reality, there is a biblical view. And I want you to speak to... You spoke about that in the book, too. But the biblical view of grandparenting means that... And you used the word imperative just a moment ago. What do you mean by that? Well, you could use the word command. I think God actually has commanded his people that the way that the faith gets...
[6:17] gets passed on from one generation to the next is that we pass it on from parent to child, you know, from and then on down the line. Psalm 78 is all about that. In fact, you know, five generations are mentioned in that Psalm of one generation tells it to another and then to another and to another. But it's not like once you've passed it on,
[6:42] to your kids, then you're done. The Scripture clearly, and it's all through Scripture, the elders, the older generation is right there alongside the next generation who is teaching it to the next generation until ultimately you're not around anymore. But our job is never over once our kids leave home. We still have a responsibility.
[7:07] like I say, an imperative, a command, so to speak, where we are commanded to teach these things to our children's children as well as to our children. And so we have to get inventive and figure out right and wrong ways to do that. You know, you don't want to... Ultimately, parenting is the parent's job. It's not the grandparent's job. And you need to make sure that you're not... Yeah, you back off and zip it on that one. Sure. You know, it's...
[7:36] um like the title of one of your books about keeping your mouth shut and so forth you know you want to keep a good relationship with your adult children but at the same time you are there to to partner with them right and to uh run alongside of them as they're passing the baton of faith onto their kids and i love that you said run alongside because it really is part of this biblical mandate
▶️ Timestamped Clip · 5:30–7:58
Watch at 5:30–7:58 on YouTube ↗
Leaving a Legacy of Love Between the Generations
Dr. Jim Burns · 5:30–7:58 · Themes: Marriage Intimacy & Unity, Grandparenting & Faith Legacy
[5:30] she said i love them so much and they loved me and you know it was so great but we typically don't do that and you said that in the and the church needs to do a better job because it's silos you have this on your website but there's silos you have the you know adults and then you have the children or the students and they don't interact enough so i love that you have this interactive thing and i love that you have it around prayer because that's going to help their faith so you've been in over 750 churches uh you've helped them launch the campaign what do you hope happens
[6:00] and how do they engage? So what's the natural component of these people connecting like this? Yeah, there's been people that have been praying for young people and methods of praying for young people for a long time. I think one of the things that we were...
[6:19] fairly intentional about from the very beginning is that not just having people that would pray for a young person, but that they would actually get to meet them and that there would be a relationship that. So, so we have young people that are part of a church and the, we get adults that would sign up to be prayer champions for a young person. And that doesn't mean that they're the best prayer around. It just means that they're willing to champion the cause of a young person. And so.
[6:47] we connect them together, but we have actually an event where they actually meet the adults that are praying for them. They get to know each other some, they'll get their picture taken. This is my prayer team for the year. Cause we try to get a young person to have three adults from different generations that would actually be there on their team that year. And they get new ones each year. So we're trying to build this.
[7:09] create a constellation of relationships for that young person as they come up through the church. That's a great thought. I was unaware that it was three. I thought it was one. But I think that's just such a great idea. What do you expect happens when they do the prayer guide and when they start doing this?
[7:31] What happens? And parents, of course, and grandparents can do this as well. Sometimes what you're saying is, you know, they're not as available. So somebody else in the church can be that mentor to them in many ways. Not replacing the parents or the grandparents, but still being a person who's there for prayer. What do you hope happens? Well, I definitely want that young person to get a sense of, okay, this, my church, these people are for me. Yeah.